Slippery Rock Gazette

Frederick M. Hueston, PhD

Travertine before treatment with my “secret formula”

Summer is officially over and I can feel fall in the air. Today, I thought I would fire up the old Harley and head out for some two-wheel therapy. Just as I was putting on my boots the phone rang. 

The voice on the other end was a familiar one. Just my luck – it was Major Problems Joe, again. Those of you who read my column might remember Joe. It seems every problem he runs into is a catastrophe of Biblical proportions! 

Joe had just taken on a project renovating a building that was loaded with travertine. He told me the floors, furniture, walls, etc. were all travertine, and that they were cleaning, honing and polishing a lot of square feet. Now, Joe has been in the business awhile and certainly knows how to do this type of work. But this time, it seemed that maybe he actually had a real major problem. As usual, he wouldn’t give me much info and wanted me to fly up north to see the problem for myself, and come up with a solution.  

I told him he was lucky that it was fall and not winter. These old bones can’t take the cold anymore! So it looks like I’ll be trading a bike ride for a plane ride– not equivalent therapy, by the way.

After a pretty dreary plane ride I disembarked and headed to baggage claim, where Joe had promised to meet me. In case you’re wondering, I don’t like to check baggage. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t trust the airlines. Plus, they are now charging for extra carry-on bags!  

Sure enough, just as I entered baggage claim, I spotted Joe waiting for me. He was still wearing his signature overalls. He’s a rather large fellow, and my guess is that overalls are the only plus-size attire that will fit him comfortably. All the years I have known him he has been wearing those ugly, gray pin-striped overalls. But he’s easy to spot in a crowd.

 In typical Joe fashion, he did not greet me with a “Hello, how are ya,” rather with a “Get in the truck – the guys are waiting for us.”

I was really hungry, though, and asked if we could stop for a bite to eat. “No problem!” he said. “We can run through McDonald’s.” 

“McDonald’s?” I said. I was thinking more of a sit down, lobster or steak lunch. On his tab.  So I told him to forget it, we could get something after I saw his major problem. 

The ride to the jobsite was a traffic nightmare. Joe kept telling me how he hated this town and how the traffic was always a cluster@#$%. He must have called his travertine issue a Major Problem at least a dozen times on the way. 

We finally arrived at the jobsite, which was your typical downtown office building. He parked the truck and rushed me inside.  We entered the building,  and he wasn’t lying. There was travertine all over the place. The owners must have had some connections in the stone industry. (Later, I found out that they owned a travertine quarry!)

My first look around I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. His crew was working on the floors, and there was one guy polishing the reception desk. The next thing I knew he grabbed me by the arm and took me to the corner of the lobby. He pointed to the wall and said, “There’s my Major Problem.”

Holy cow! I thought. It looks like someone painted splotchy brown polka dots all over the wall!  I asked him if he knew what the dots were. He said they were mastic spots. Apparently, one of the tenants once had mirror-tile glued to the wall–bad idea.

He told me they had tried every chemical in the book to try and remove them. He added that they even tried several poultices, to no effect.  Without beating around the bush, he came right out and asked me if I could “perform my magic.”  I told him I needed a minute of silence to inspect the wall and commune with my inner powers (LOL!).

I sat down and considered where the polka dot wall was located. It was in an isolated area of the lobby, and not adjacent to any other travertine. That was important, since I had an idea.  After mulling that over for a minute or two, I went over to Joe and said I needed to go to the hardware store or one of those big box stores.  He started arguing with me, telling me that he had everything I would need right there. I told him, “No, I seriously doubt it.” I wouldn’t say any more, so off we went.  

When we got to the store I asked him to wait in the truck. “This is one of my secret formulas,” I said, to create an air of mystery. I came back out in about twenty minutes carrying a plastic bag. “What’s in the bag?” he asked? 

 “You’ll see…” I told him. “Besides, If I told ya my secret, I’d have to kill ya,” I said, in my best growly Bogart voice.

We arrived back at the jobsite and I taped off a twelve-inch square, which contained about three of the dots. I reached in the bag a pulled out a small can of walnut wood stain. I took out a rag and proceeded to stain the taped off area.  When I was done, the polka dots blended right in!  Of course, the travertine would now be darker. But as I mentioned, since it was in an isolated area, it wouldn’t matter so much.

I asked Joe to call the owners and have them take a look, and if they approved, he could stain the entire wall, and cover the mastic stains.

Long story, short: He did, they loved it, and were thrilled that they wouldn’t have to replace all that stone. 

“Now, how about that lobster?” I asked Joe. 

Another case solved – and I got to deliver some good news, for a change!